Anxious

I've been really anxious/nervous lately. Work has been really busy for me since I've been taking so much time off for the Jewish holidays and I try to get a lot more done than usual on the days I'm there so I don't leave my department to pick up the slack. It doesn't always work out that way, though. I'm not gonna lie.

I haven't really been knitting too much either. I started on a an 8-pointed star afghan with the wool-blend yarn my mom brought back for me from Argentina and kinda messed up the first couple rounds. It's coming along nicely though. I think I'm going to keep going on it until I run out of the yarn since I can't think of anything else to do with it.

The hat I made for my friend, Galen, fits him and he gets compliments on it every time he wears it. It makes me feel so good when he tells me about someone liking it. I still need to get a picture of him wearing it. The pattern is Turn a Square by Jared Flood (brooklyntweed) and I'm going to be using this pattern again. I didn't follow his striping pattern because I couldn't concentrate and I liked having uneven striping going on. It kind of reminds me of the House Hats from Charmed Knits. I really like the decreasing (apparently it's a raglan decrease) and I learned how to do a jogless color change! This was actually the first time I did a color change in knit. With crochet, I'm a pro at it. You can kind of see where my color changes are (left side of the picture, in a slightly diagnal line moving down to the right) but I don't know if that was because I held the yarn too tight or what. I know a non-knitter can't see it but I can and it actually bothers me a little.


I don't have a picture of my afghan yet but I'm going to be working on it some more today. I'm hoping to finish the second cake of yarn today and I need to wind the 2 hanks I have left. I'm not really looking forward to that but it's easy to do while watching TV, I suppose. Mindless.

I haven't been sleeping lately either. I had my yearly gyno appointment on Tuesday. I hate going to the doctor. No matter what, I go in there thinking he's going to find something wrong with me that will change my life forever and that I could possibly die from. It's terrible and no matter what doctor I go to, I feel the same way every single time. I'm in good health too, so I don't know what's wrong with me mentally. haha Either way, I now have to go have an ultrasound done on my left breast this Tuesday. I'm really not looking forward to it and my doctor actually made me really nervous about it all. He did the routine breast check, asked if I check myself, and then when he got to the lump on my left breast his face changed and he was like "Does that hurt?" I told him that it does but I've had it checkout out before and I was told it was nothing to worry about. Yes, that was 4 years ago and things can change but it's never bothered me since I originally found it, and the doctors weren't concerned with it so I put it out of my mind. Now everything in my mind has changed. We had a quick discussion about it and about how I already got an ultrasound done and blah blah blah but he wants me to go back and have it checked again. I think my worrying about the ultrasound is why I can't sleep. I keep trying to tell myself that he is just being cautious and that there's nothing wrong but he also seemed really concerned about it when I reminded him that I don't know the medical history on my mother's side but that there is cancer on my father's. Then came the typical Dr questions: Why don't you know your medical history? What kind of cancer on your father's side? Who had it? How is your mother's health? Your father's? I know I shouldn't worry...what happens, happens and this too shall pass but I can't help it. It was just his manner in asking me everything and telling me he wanted me to go get it checked out again. I can't help but feel a sense of foreboding. He also set everything up and the hospital called me last week to set that appointment up for this week. It's so quick. I mean, it's better sooner than later considering I'm making myself crazy but still...I'm much more irritable lately too. :( Send some positive thoughts my way, please. I need all the positive energy I can get right now.

On a positive note, though: I got my summons for Jury Duty!!! Yes, I'm excited about it. I've been waiting since the day I turned 18 for this. I think it's important to serve on a jury. It's part of my civic duty. I need to mail in my form tomorrow and then wait. If I get chosen, you know I'll be hearing the Law & Order "dun dun" in my head during the trial. So silly....

Oh, and here's the latest picture of beautiful BenBen! He's almost 2, I can't believe it. January is around the corner!