Sunday, November 23, 2008

Dating 101...

So I've recently realized that it's been roughly 5 years since I've dated. That's a long freakin' time! I was 19 then. Such a baby! I mean, I'm still a baby...but to me, 19 to 24 is a huge difference in age, not to mention maturity level. I've also realized that there is still a big difference between my maturity level and that of most men in my immediate age range.

It seems that guys my age are still all about drinking, getting drunk and acting like complete idiots. Now don't get me wrong, I do drink on the rare occasion, I have gotten drunk and I act like an idiot on a daily basis but I don't go out of my way to do all three all the time and all at once. Well, I would need to drink to get drunk but whatever. I just don't get it. I don't really see the point of throwing my money away on alcohol and then not being able to remember my night or possibly remembering it by analyzing what comes up from my stomach. And it's definitely not something I could do every weekend. I really only drink on my birthday (and it seems I only do that every two years) and whenever there's a game night (and I drink every other game night or so). Am I an old curmudgeon already?

I feel lame and just blah with regards to dating. I was talking to Greg about it last night (it was nice to have a real conversation with him again...it's been a while since we've really hung out and talked) and I said that it's just weird and I don't know what to do with myself since it's been so long since I've dated. He agreed, as he's kind of in the same boat. He said that it's kinda strange to think about that if he's been out with a girl 5 or 6 times and nothing has happened between them (I asked for clarification at this point and he said even just kissing) then he knows it's never going to go anywhere and why bother. I argued that while no one seems to court any longer, it's kind of nice to date without having any expectations of messing around and having sex. It's kind of sweet. Maybe I'm just being a girl about it all and wishing for the whole fairytale? But really, I've rushed into relationships before and look where it's gotten me...countless romances until a serious one at 19, engaged at 21, single at 23, and just starting to date again now. I was practically married and people joke that when Miguel and I split it was like a divorce. I suppose that it basically was.

Here's my deal now: How does someone date multiple people at once? How do you not get emotionally vested in the people? I've never done it. I guess that as long as everyone knows that I'm going on dates with different people, it's okay but I still feel weird about that whole thing. Oh please, and who am I kidding? I'm not even dating multiple people for this to be a real issue right now. I need to meet some guys first.

And where does someone even meet a potential romantic interest? Not at a bar! Through friends? That can be tricky and lead to bad situations if things don't work out. I do think this is the best way, though. At least you know that someone you trust can vouch for the person, right? At work? Well, most of you know how well that worked for me....religion can be tricky. haha At SnB? Only women there. A little help, please? You always see people meeting in bookstores and shit like that in the movies. That's never happened to me. Or at a coffeeshop. Again, never has that happened. Grocery store? Don't make me laugh, so not likely at the one I shop in.

I'm so out of the whole dating scene that I don't even know when a guy is flirting with me! How sad is that? Are there classes for things like this? I went out to dinner with a guy recently and he mentioned that he didn't realize something that happened one night when we were hanging out with a bunch of people because he was too busy flirting with me. I clearly remember thinking in my head, and saying to Noddie later, that I had no clue he was even interested in me...that night or when we were out to dinner. This might have been the second or third time we went out to eat when he told me about the flirting incident. How thick can a person be? Well, really, by the third time we went out I figured he must be interested but the first couple times I thought he was just being a good friend as he knew I was going through a rough patch and wanted to keep my mind off of it all.

Ugh. Seriously, I just need someone I want to hug. You know what I mean? Someone that puts me at ease and calms me. I'm such the constant worrier a planner to a fault that I need someone to balance that out a little...someone mellow. I want to be courted, I don't want to do all the work and chase the guy. Someone I can go out and do stuff with...walks, see a show, go to a museum, and the like. And then once I find this perfect guy and go on a couple dates with him, then what?

Dating 101...yup, I think I need it.

3 comments:

isaiahsmommy78 said...

You sound like I did at your age. I have no real advice, I just wanted to say that I met my husband at a coffee shop. Seriously. Met in April, first date in July, engaged in August, and Married New Year's Eve. It happens!

anousheeg said...

wow that IS fast...

I think that kind of romance happens so rarely, but when it does, it seems to either be AMAZING and the real thing, or never goes anywhere...

I find myself torn over movies. I'm not a sappy person, though I am sensitive, but every once in a while I find myself watching a movie with a love story and find myself wanting that fantasy... happened a few times this weekend actually... and still other times I get annoyed and think "bah humbug! Love is just a figment of my imagination."

Last time I dated was about 3 years ago.... I've had a dry three years. If you find that class... let me know....

weeble wobble said...

omg i met my husband at a coffee shop too- on State Street even (it's a bar now I think- Diesel). Anyway, re: the dating thing, I don't think you need to play the field so to speak. I never dated more than one guy at a time, I guess I am just not built that way. I'm sure plenty of people have told you this but you're ONLY 24!! You have tons of time, believe me. Just keep doing what you're doing. Hang out in coffee shops. Maybe take a class, I have met some nice fellows in my sculpture class, not that I would want to date them, but it's a nice way to meet people with common interests who are not slobbering drunk, ya know?
xoxo
Katy